This is the most upset I’ve ever seen Alan, excluding the time I tipped the Feds off about him, of course. I’ll admit that it was a cruel thing to do, to crush a man’s dreams of settling. Am I a horrible human being, as Alan may still contend with some validity? Perhaps, but I’ll tell you what I’m not: someone in need of brick.
As time goes on, I’ve become more and more disillusioned with “school math”, i.e. math that people only ever use in school. Don’t get me wrong, puzzle solving in general is a good skill to have. The detached symbolic manipulation necessary to do some kinds of abstract thinking is also of great utility. In my experience, however, these skills are not conveyed to most people through the mathematics commonly taught it school. Instead, rote memorization and drills replace questioning and creativity.
Where does memorization get you with math? Nowhere; you end up with millions of people who just have vague memories of the quadratic formula and imaginary numbers. What do drills get you? Generations of kids who can blindly manipulate equations but haven’t a clue what they mean most of the time (this often includes myself). There has to be a better way than this, and I believe that way is through computer programming.
Math classes are great for teaching kids ways to transform and solve equations, but only a tiny fraction focus on having you build them. It’s no wonder this is the case, pen and paper aren’t exactly the most friendly tools for this endevour. The computer, though, offers a completely different experience. You can write programs in a nearly unlimited number of languages and see the results almost instantaneously. There are also a plethora of visualation tools that can help you see or hear the meaning behind the equations.
This is getting long-winded, so I’ll wrap it up. Since this is Nerd Theater, though, I’ll have to end with a racist comment of some sort. Let’s see….asians have small cocks. Yeah, that’ll do nicely.
Few things break a man besides being subjected to years of Alex’s “lil’ Mexican”. Unlike a drill sergeant, though, Alex does not build you up once you’ve been broken. No, he continually denies your heterosexual claims, attacks your ability to satisfy a woman, and spits on your pleas for mercy.
But I’ll be damned if it isn’t effective. Thanks to Alex, I rarely tell people outright that I’m not gay and am incapable of believing that anyone loves me. But I’m happy…yesiree…right, Alex? Don’t hit me!
Mike sent me this link today:
Unplugged Pornography
After reading this article, I am seriously worried about the
teens of America. Anatomy research, Spam emails, these kids
are not getting the best bang for their buck. There is some
seriously disturbing porn out there, porn that these kids
are not getting access to in their searches for ‘anatomy’.
What about the public bondage? What about Hentai? What about
Japanese squid? Who’s going to help these kids find their own
unique perversion?
Here’s what you can do to help your teen:
1. Talk to your teen about where to find free quality porn.
2. Love the teen, hate his naive preference for flaccid
erotica.
3. A promise isn’t enough. Make sure he’s really tried it
all. Is he watching a little gay stuff every now and then,
just to make sure he’s not queer? Better to find out now
than Thanksgiving 2015.
4. Encourage confession and submission. There’s no point
hiding your desires. God knows what’s in your head, and he
loves to watch.
5. Take an inventory, check what he’s been watching. You’ll
probably find something you like as well. This is a great
opportunity to bond through common interests.
6. Make a plan for the future. Make viewing smut a routine.
Keep him busy watching it all the time. Make sure his
friends are watching smut at home.Friends play a huge role
in discovering and trading new material. Just make sure
they’re not watching together. You don’t want to walk in
on your son eating the cracker.
7. Get your teen into the world. Porn is awesome, but at
some point he’s going to have to get laid.
8. Pray like crazy. Premium memberships are the tits, but
they’re expensive as hell. Remember, God will provide.
In China, it’s illegal to critique the government’s environmental policy, but it’s A-OK to club a woman with a shovel. Don’t believe me? Ask one of your Chinese friends. …unless you’re a woman…
It’s that time of year again when Alex makes jokes about his Yule Log, Alan continues to fear the AIDS, and I renew my contract of mayhem with Black Santa (he’s evil, not African-American you racists).
Oh yeah, and Alan’s latest attempt to produce the perfect stool softener has resulted in a giant, demon-possessed Snowman. Let’s hope Baby Jesus knows kung-fu!
I’m going to try a “stream of consciousness” writing exercise. Here goes:
That is all. Thank you.
According to retail establishments and radio stations, it’s that time of year again when snow sits atop homes, magic hangs in the air, and Alex inadvertently exposes himself to minors.
Some people blame the drink; others, the shoddy Santa belts being manufactured in China these days. I like to think that there’s a master plan behind all of it. That somehow, in some strange way, Alex’s junk is a beacon of hope to a troubled world in dark times.
Let’s hope the police agree with me this holiday season. Shine on, Alex. Shine on.
I think we can all agree that Mario would have a much more relaxing life if he’d just go gay. He’d totally have his pick of the litter there in the Mushroom Kingdom:
I tried giving similar advice to Alan, but he struck me down with the Old Testament! Not with Bible verses decrying homosexuality, but with the actual book. I was using it as a paper weight for my print-outs of Zombie Peach hentai — it’s totally real, you just have to know where to look.
Oh yeah: Happy Thanksgiving.
Here at Nerd Theater, we strive to celebrate diversity in most of its forms. This is especially important, given that 1/6 of our collective Nerd Theater self is a minority! Our “Celebrate Your Heritage” party was a hit last year even though Alex didn’t show up for work, Alan was having his back shaved again, and I was hassling some Jews down at H&R Block.
Seriously, I hate those slimy Jews with their slippery Jew-phrases like “That’s the Women’s restroom” and “If you don’t stop taking pens, I’ll have to ask you to leave”.